unravelling

a ball of thoughts wound tightly
loose strands
and im not sure which one to tug
pull
at

am i pursuing only out of the innate suppression of some long forgotten act of becoming?
(tell me someone! is THAT what THIS is
about?!?!)

that the need to satiate my seeming insaisiablility is all due to
a first bond gone missing?

is that really what THIS is
about?
and why my hand feels somewhat less forlorn in a moment
even when touching trouble?

as if somehow the devil may redeem
what god (him/her/it) took away?

as if an embrace
will make right all things wrong?

(dear god am i really so simple and base?)

is that what i came here to realize?
that in a way she was so wrong
but another oh so right
when asking me
stating that
"u are here for that"

and yet not
and yet
maybe

i cannot help but run towards
any open arms
not when here

cannot help but take each word spoken
and feel the need to memorize
to set to skin
with ink

to make indelible

strings and strands
of words

tonight i am going to put on a tie
wander down the breath-y streets
walk into a room
mutter smiling "anyongs"
and mumbling
"ka sam nee da's"
half embarrassed for my own lack of abilities
half smiling to be taken in
in a room full of strangers
who are glad im there

ones who this time
do not send me away
but instead say
"stay. i havent kissed you yet"s