photographic memory

last night i
took a thousand photographs
and stored them in my
heart
and
head

hands as soft as mine
a crash course in ordering
and blood types

stumbling down jagged streets
5am

this
this
this is right

in the alleyways and back streets
id once believed where id been left behind

walking down the stairs
telling me
things
walking long the streets of hongdae
walking up the wooden stairs
drinking beers
and learning how to really pour
telling me things
of why
true or not
(skin as soft as mine)

telling me things
of how im seen
of how my name
my first name
how it sounds
what it means

how im perceived
and ive heard it before
but here
the words have more weight
and for the first time
i am able to believe
that this is truth

this is right
this is the first time
this is how it should be

skin as soft as mine
no need to justify or explain away
just is
just right

just good

i memorized the night
i did not need a camera

2 boiled eggs in my pocket
carrying them as a walking nest
drunkenly smashing them against a wall
drunkenly smashing up against a wall
happily
drunkenly
stumbling
tumbling
pushing
pulling

with skin
as soft as mine

some days

some days
i dont wanna stand in line
i just wanna eat eel

some days
i dont wanna drink the "oh my god its so cheap here" soju
i just wanna know the answer

some days
i dont wanna be a pacifist
id rather break their windows where they advertise us for sale

some days i dont wanna find the peaceful way
i just want to let my anger flow

some days
standing in a line
i wanna crumple to the floor
(my hands here feel the loss of hers)

some days
all i want is to drink soju
eat pork and kimchi
and fill my brain with useless chatter
on an arm pressed into mine
after one too many shots of
tequila
and a dare

some days
i wanna know the next day
cant wait here in the present
just want the mirror to tell me
everything im not seeing

some days
i wanna hug the baristas
the fish mongers
the dukbokki vendors
the ahjimas
the men in bad suits who snort loudly
the small children who make me feel my heart
the shoppers
the sellers
the window dressers
the girls who put make up on whenever they have the chance
the women who gather underground
the cart pushers
the mobile phone kiosk workers
and tell them
"i never meant to leave you"

some days
i wanna be returned
to her
want holt to stop hording all our information like its somehow theirs
- thats not just some days - thats every day

some days
i wanna watch movies
go see shows
walk the streets
eat after eating
drink after drinking
love after loving

some days
i want my native language to return to me
without all this effort
i wanna remember everything embedded into my body

but no matter what the day

just being here

is the sum of

all days

last night at the b-boy theater in hongdae

went last night with tara to see the infamous korean b-boys ... though the actual plot and execution of it were beyond... "lame" (the art snob in me could barely handle the lack of smooth transitions and beyond cheesy sub-plots and horrible multi-media work...) - the fact is... when the b-boys were popping or breaking... it was pretty much amazing...

and theres something beautiful about being in a theater on a tuesday night that is completely packed... for korea being a culture that is not immersed in hip hop... well the turnout wouldve put any breakin' event in mpls to shame... and to see ahjimas with their hands on the air... now that made the bad acting worth it...

---- as for the photos that ive posted... i dont know i have a thing for movement in a photograph... at first glance its just the blur... but then like so many things in life - if you look long enough you can find the point of origin solid as ever and teh motion fades to how a body moves the air...

i thought of my breaker friends and acquaintances in minneapolis and wish they could have seen when he spun on his head with a chair around his legs... and i thought how they would be encouraged to know that this show is basically sold out everyday and night of the week...

about the show:

http://www.visitseoul.net/jsp/english_new/culturalevents/culturalevent_4_02.jsp?info_id=4010000019


... a more "serious" blog to follow

inbetween

i keep looking for her
(i cant help it...)
every woman is a possibility

which tree is mine
and have i walked by it/her a thousand times
without knowing?

inbetween the shots of soju
and the eel
inbetween the samgyupsal
and dong-dong-ju
inbetween the vendors stalls
and cobblestones

i am waiting
looking
searching
for a
certain kind of beauty

everything else is simply

... inbetween

a day in hongdae

once again first some facts and images about the day (yesterday which was sunday 23 nov)

tara arrived into seoul... got coffee and food.. wandered about hongdae... drank coffee... looked at some art... drank some sangria...







i dont know "why" i just like this band "dear cloud" ... went with tara and su-yoon to their 2nd cd release in hongdae... and as opposed to last time when we saw them (last winter) we didnt have to sit... instead we got to stand... proof once again that its the little things in life that count
















and of course everything must be followed by eating drinking and photo-taking





------

its this funny... juxtaposition... of being so much a part of so much a "i'll never be a part of" feeling...

youve got your toothless hag ahjima's who turn you into a spectacle by silencing the cafe with their refusal of service who cause your face to burn with rejection... and then you have the baristas at the local coffeeshop who smile and stamp your card up with extras saying something that you know is kind... and you know its ok that you cant communicate beyond a head nod and pointing...

made me think of russia ... how goopie told me when we were there "ah kimmo you know... half the russians want to kill and steal from you but the other half will do everything they can to protect you from that other half so i dont worry about it"

looking at what i have or what i do not have

more and more its been a lesson in looking at all the beauty that is in front of me

and yesterday? it was beautiful...