ugh

so he says to me
"sounds like... "

"nah... no... really?"
says i

"god no cant be... fuhhh-k"
i mumble in exclamation to his
"uhhh yeah it is"

"so whats the point...
cuz you see im the kinda person who
likes
needs
always has
needed
lived by
HAVING A
POINT"

... meanwhile the fat-ass cat is licking the inside of my favorite
one of favorite
pairs of boots
- ass-hole - i yell at him
to i realize that
i dont speak kitten
and the thing isnt a "he"
but
a
"she"

so what good does any of this
do me

"makes you human
time will show
and tell"

meanwhile
my postbox remains
EMPTY

meanwhile
my bed
ok its not MY bed its my friend's that im crashing on when shes outta town
meanwhile
this bed
its stained with
trying to recouperate
trying to move on

and im gonna get in trouble for writing all this stuff out loud

and my ex
who i swore
i never wanted to
see to
talk to
not once
not ever again
after that kind of humiliation
lack of genuine respect
- is the first i can think to say
"UGH"
to

and i dont KNOW what to DO
with
what it is im realizing
as if
hand-written letters make anything better
as if
leaving

god and then i look at a photo and realize
- it is that isnt it

and just hearing that come out of my mouth before i can restrain it
is exasperating enough
cuz its me admitting what would be so much simpler to just
DENY

... and no amount of swear words are gonna help me
and no amount of antidotal wisdom
(the word wisdom within brackets)
is gonna help solve change
the one thing that one sided flea bitten
fuckin blah blah blah
cant
change

so yeah maybe
maybe thats what it is ive been feelin'

but i wouldnt know
cuz i mean look at me
im not the type to admit to

anything

'sepcially not
about
the stupid lame-ass word called

love